How To Make The Relationship More Serious

There is one way to doom a relationship without fail. Tell the other person that you want to be exclusive and won't take no for an answer. Laying it on the line as a "my way or the highway baby!" statement is sure to scare of most men and women. No one wants to feel as though they were blackmailed into a serious relationship that might end up in marriage. After all, if you were blackmailed before the marriage, what are they capable of after the commitment?

Assuming you have asked the necessary questions about this other person and you are serious about getting serious, there are several things you can do to move the relationship along and plant the idea that a committed and forward moving alliance is just what the doctor ordered.

The first thing to be sure of is that YOU are ready for a committed and long-term relationship. When you have developed your own self and figure out what you do and do not want in a relationship you'll find that making a relationship more serious is less work than you might have imagined.

It is also important that you are authentic and open up with your SO to sort out whatever baggage either of you are starting with. And then, when you feel like there is a potential future, it is a very good idea to have an open discussion with your date about what their expectations are.

This does NOT mean broaching the subject on the 3rd date! But after you've been out together for whatever feels like a reasonable amount of time, and you think that there is potential, it's time to talk about. Don't make it a big "heart-to-heart" conversation. Instead, bring it up casually during dinner or after a movie.

Start with what YOU want, without making it threatening. "John, I've been having a wonderful time with you over the last couple of months. I'm at a time in my life where I want to develop a committed long-term relationship. How do you feel about that?"

The question starts with a statement about what you want and doesn't threaten or blackmail him. It can be intimidating to be straightforward and not to play a few games first that don't feel as threatening to you. But truthfully, if you can't be honest in your communication about what you want, it will be difficult for you to maintain a successful long-term relationship with anyone.

Making this kind of statement/question shows your guy that you are secure in who you are and what you want. If they turn tail and run, it's a good thing because they weren't ready or didn't want what you wanted. However, if you ask the question on the second date and they turn tail and run, it's because you jumped the gun! This kind of conversation happens after you've developed a friendship and some degree of emotional intimacy and should never be used to gauge a guys ability or desire to commit in a relationship. That's just going to drive him screaming out the door, frantically grabbing his car keys.

Never nag him to commit because it will have the opposite effect. Instead, if he isn't stepping up then it's time you stepped out and move on. You may have felt that there was real potential in that relationship but he was making it obvious that he didn't. And, sometimes, leaving is the just impetus he needs to realize that you are a diamond he doesn't want to lose.

Leaving a relationship should never be done with the hope or idea that he'll come running after you, because more often than not, you'll be disappointed. A successful committed and long-term relationship starts with trust, love and authenticity, not blackmail, threats and manipulation.

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